I'm realizing more than ever lately that I simply am not taking as much advantage of my blog as I should be. I just don't know how I can fix that. I'd like to write all the time and update the world on my life but who wants to read bits and pieces from a college student's life when I have no goal or theme or plan in mind for the blog or my life. Usually I just feel like a lost feather floating down a creek not really knowing what's going on but being carried away anyway. After almost 21 years of living I still somehow haven't really learned how to steer. I've said how content I am with my life so many times lately that I started to question it. Am I seriously that content to just be here? I'm not exactly accomplishing anything but I mean I'm not exactly stagnant either. I'm almost done with my degree and I'm sort of working on what life will be like after college but I feel like I'm treading water.

I keep saying that I want to be a writer and I really do but I just don't do anything about it. I barely ever write, I refuse to edit anything, and I rarely ever manage to finish a story. Even if I continue to update the world on my progress, what is the end goal? Graduation? Moving away? Getting a job? Grad school? A publishing institute? A writing job? Being published? I'm not really sure. I've always focused on the journey and forgotten where I'm going but at this time of my life I think I ought to pay a bit more attention, especially if I expect other people to want to pay attention to my life.

In other news: Everyone I know is at Bonnaroo having what I assume is an amazing time without me. I'm not completely depressed about not being able to go because I never really expected to but it does make me a little sad to know how much fun is to be had that I am missing out on. On the bright side though, Mumford & Sons didn't cancel their plans to be played on the stereo in my apartment, I went to see Say Anything at House of Blues this week, and I went to a really cool information meeting to apply to volunteer with The Zebra Coalition. As the score stands now: Jamie - 3; Music Festivals - 54364375363263. At least I fought back right?

Also I'd like to comment on when sexism makes me happy. I'd like to say "never" but the truth is that sometimes it makes me feel like a total badass. Last night I went to a little party at a friend of mine's apartment where I was surrounded by men. The few girls that were there were mostly part of the group I brought. I learned to play a new game called Survivor flip cup, as in playing flip cup with Survivor rules. When your team loses, just like the TV show (minus the tiki torches), you vote someone off but you still have as many cups as you started with so you end up doing more work. Long story short, I played awesomely and ended up being the only one left on my team against the only person left on the other team and I completely smoked him. It felt awesome because I won a game, which is rare for me, but also because there were some comments about "being beat by a girl" which made me want to go on one of my usual feminist rants but instead I just basked in the increased glory.