Currently:

Currently ignoring:

- the fact that I have to leave for work in less than 9 hours.

- that I don't own a working Macbook charger

Currently obsessing over:

- how long it takes Mod Podge to dry, yet how much I love it.

- how disgusting the food most Americans consume is.

      I really ought to be asleep but instead I've been decorating my phone case and painting my nails and writing this blog and reading articles about healthy eating. I have actually been making real progress in my slow journey to becoming a vegan. I have been resisting my parents cooking, at least the meat part of it. I caved when we went out to Buffalo Wild Wings, but come on, I couldn't NOT have wings. I'm a horrible person for enabling myself but really, I have been getting better. I even bought vegan chicken nuggets to replace the just vegetarian ones I used to eat all the time (I'm going to miss them though). There are a lot of things wrong with my diet still but I am very impressed with my progress and some things that are controversial I actually don't have a problem with, such as soy. I have a higher-than-most-people intake of soy because of my weakness for imitation meat products and my love of tofu and my soy milk creamer. I am perfectly alright with that. There are some concerns about soy such as hormone problems which I have looked into and is pretty much bogus. What does concern me is that apparently it's processed differently in the United States and is less healthy because if it and I will look into that further but in the mean time I feel very healthy and have not heard anything to make me stop having my favorite tofu stir-fry every other day.

      I'm not sure if I mentioned it, but I was planning on moving to Denver after I graduated and starting an awesome hipster, health-nut, active, nature-filled, badass life there with my best friends Sarah and Olive. Unfortunately that is no longer my plan. I might reconsider, but as it stands now, I just don't think I could bring myself to go there. The city of Denver apparently thinks that my best friend in the whole world is a vicious abomination that deserves to die and that it has the right to tell me what kind of dog I can own. Olive is a Pit Bull. She is also the most awesome dog in the entire world and the biggest cuddle monster and the love of my life. She doesn't have a vicious bone in her body. Also, I don't like being told what to do. So, screw you Denver. I can bring my bookshelf full of yard-sale-bought classics, my Mod Podge craft glue and glitter, my high-waisted skirts,  my adorable face, my awesome (human) best friend and her spectacularly short hair, and my beyond-amazing dog to some other city that we are welcome in. So suck on that Denver. Also, yes I do make decisions based on my dog. That's exactly the type of stubborn person I am and I'm okay with that. I don't sacrifice my happiness when I don't need to and I don't see any reason why I shouldn't choose my living arrangements based on where my dog will be allowed if I know that I like having her around. I probably shouldn't even be writing any of this since she ate my favorite shoes today so I'm going to stop now and go to bed.

And so I meditate...

And so I meditate...

               too much.

and my mind
((implodes))
into
"What does that mean?"
"How come?"
"Why do I?"
      "Why do I?"
            "Why do I?"

WHY DO I?

Or I quit.
Shut down.
   
      brain: off.

do
do
do.

worry later.

So now I think to myself

Ask then do?
Do then ask?
Ask and do?
Don't do, don't ask.

Or I could burn this page
and grow something new

             in
            the
          ashes.

Oh Joy!

Today I found out that I finally got a job. I was so ecstatic that I wrote this poem on post it notes.

The Further to the Side I Part My Hair, the Better I Look (and Other Myths About Myself)

Every once in a while I will get bored and part my hair on the opposite side for the day to switch things up, today was one of those days and it made me think to myself, why have I been parting my hair like this for so many years? I realized that the way I part my hair has been the same way for so long because I created this myth in my head that this is the only way it looks good which led me to wonder what other myths have I had about myself in the past that I realized weren't true?

1. The further to the side I part my hair, the better I look. It's a scientific fact that my beauty is directly correlated to the more asymmetrically my hair is parted. If I was to part my hair more towards the middle I would be a hideous old hag like something out of a disney movie (or my face would just look too thin). When I parted my hair to the opposite side today it ended up being a little more centered and I realized something amazing... I didn't look any different than usual. Not to mention, who the hell cares? So I'm moving on.

2. I am short. Actually, the average height of an adult woman in the United States is just shy of 5 feet and 4 inches. Coincidentally, I, too, am just shy of 5 feet and 4 inches tall. Weird, I've been told I'm short my whole life, and I have also claimed to be short and yet, I am almost exactly average height. I just happen to have been born into an immediate family that consists of slightly above average height people and became convinced that I was short. That, and I actually was shorter than most people when I was younger, I grew slowly.

3. I am bad at sports.
    Actually that one is true. I'm going to go ahead and blame not being pushed enough as a child.

4. Intelligence matters and I am smart! I can't stress this one enough. I seriously freak out when I think I'm not smart enough. It really should not matter to me at all. Instead of claiming to choose ignorance about certain things and then going home and being mad at myself for not being able to keep up a conversation, I really should just pick up a newspaper occasionally, pick up a book more than occasionally, write constantly, and learn non-stop. Intelligence can't be measured, and when it it, it's flawed, so I need to stop worrying about sounding stupid and start remembering what really matters. I should be a culturally-aware, self-aware, caring, educated, and unique human being, not the girl in the corner, mad about not being the smartest in the room.

5. I have fat legs. I figured I'd finish this list out with a solidly superficial finale. My legs and butt area may or may not be slightly bigger proportionally than the rest of me but to be honest it doesn't look bad on me and even if it does I kind of don't care. I'm fairly healthy and don't have a lot of excess body fat so I really don't care if I have a little extra junk in the trunk. To be honest though, I really don't. It's mostly just me being nit-picky about my own body since I'm pretty satisfied with it and then there's a grain of truth to the matter.

I don't know why I make up silly myths about myself. Maybe my parents told me Santa wasn't real a little too early and I had to make up other things to replace him. It doesn't really matter how it happened; what matters is that I stop making up insecurities when I get bored of being happy with myself.