I just realized something crazy. I’m probably the happiest right now that I’ve ever been — and I don’t have any of the things I want. I’m single, but I feel confident about what I feel and don’t feel. I’m getting close to 30, but I feel energetic and excited about life. I’m overworked, but I’m happy I made my own path and new opportunities are just around the corner.
I guess the reason I’m happy has less to do with what I have and more to do with the hope I have for the future. I just feel happy about who I am and what I can accomplish. I’ve never felt as comfortable with my body and my abilities as I do now. I’ve been so afraid of growing up, but I never realized how great it would be to finally reach this stage.
I spent a long time being bitter about the past. I’m better than ever because of the people who have been in my life and the experiences we’ve had together. It’s okay that those people aren’t always around now because they still helped me become the person I am today.
I bought a drifter a slice of pizza last night. It didn’t matter to me if he was just traveling for fun or if he was on drugs or whatever else. I just wanted to do a nice thing for a person. I talked to him about his lifestyle and explained how I have a similar philosophy about freedom. None of this is exceptional or life changing but it was nice and I think that’s enough. Everyone said, “that was really nice of you.” That was the point. I always say, “I wish I could be like those positive, happy people.”
The only way to be that person is to be that person.
I’m not going to sacrifice my sarcastic personality and I’ll always struggle with depression/anxiety. I’ll have moments I’m not proud of and I’ll continue to say things I probably shouldn’t. The difference now is that I’m actively trying to be positive and happy. I’m going to be the person I want to be instead of just being disappointed in the person I have been.
