I don’t think I’ve ever cried when someone famous has died but I’m finding it difficult not to cry now. I can’t stop sniffling over the notebook I'm writing in. I didn’t realize I cared so much but I do.
I rip the lid off the paper cup of soup. I'm trying to figure out why he meant so much to me, why I'm so choked up.
I've always been passionate about food, especially eating, but as I grow older and develop my own morals and preferences about food I've become passionate about cooking as well. I was always a little interested in traveling but until I was introduced to Anthony Bourdain's shows, I didn't ever think about traveling all over the world or making travel into a lifestyle.
If I hadn't spent so much time learning about the world through Bourdain's shows, I wouldn't be where I am today. I wouldn't have quit my comfy salaried job, left my favorite city, and made it a priority to travel.
Parts Unknown is one of the best shows ever made. It makes an effort to feature all aspects of
culture. It seemed that only in this one space, a show was allowed to be about everything all at once. In a world of targeted audiences and themes and hobby-dedicated channels, Parts Unknown was just a show put together by a guy who wanted to explore all of his interests and feature lesser-known parts of the world.
In my own little world, I've constantly been worried about picking my niche. It seems like I'm only allowed to have one interest, one focus, and one career. Instead of deciding, I've been kind of floating around lost, choosing nothing, accomplishing little. It started when they asked me to pick a major before I started college, and it hasn't ended. I wonder, what one subject of all the universe of things I'm interested in should I choose to focus my attention and energy on? Then everyone looks at me and says writing. But what one thing am I going to be forced to write about for eternity?
By the time Bourdain created Parts Unknown, he didn't have to choose anymore. I find that incredibly inspiring and intimidating. Bourdain was passionate about writing, cooking, music, eating, traveling, and talking to people. He was rebellious and steered his show how he wanted to, not to appeal to a certain audience of a certain channel. (It’s on CNN for God’s sake. It’s journalism, not just a food show.)
He travelled all over, not just the places people think they want to see. He interviewed people, normal people, talented people, powerful people, and he cares about what’s going on in their lives and countries.
It’s not lost on me that I happen to be eating a fifty cent cup of noodles while I’m in a country known mainly for its food. It’s also not lost on me that I happen to be traveling the world at this moment. I’m getting crumbs on the page as I dip something called “friselle” in the broth. It looks like a halved bagel that's been toasted until it's crunchy throughout. It's usually dipped in water before eaten so... in a way I'm doing it right. It’s a testament to my love of food that I’m still eating as I write this.
I wish I had a glass of wine in front of me but I’ll have to fall asleep sober. The wine would probably make me cry anyway. If I was alone I’d like to lean into this sadness and get it all out, but I’m not. I haven’t had much space in 3 weeks of traveling with my sister and her family and my family.
After I eat I'll spend the rest of the night and most of the next day alternating between trying not to cry and crying. I want to say I've been crying for the loss of someone who inspired me so much but I know there's more to it. I've been crying because someone who was such a spectacular human being didn't want to be in this world anymore. The world needs more people like Anthony Bourdain, not less. When the world we live in pushes people so wonderful out, it's hard to want to be here anymore.
I hope a wave of change is coming.
More people should meet others from around the world, sit down with them, and try their food.
