Trying to be Grateful

My blog is titled “somewhere I have never travelled,gladly beyond” but lately my life has been more like “somewhere I have been every morning at 8:30 AM.”

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That’s how far I got into writing before my computer froze up under the pressure of word processing.

Sometimes being grateful is difficult and now is a good example. Part of me wants to set this computer on fire. Instead I’m going to keep writing. My parents actually bought this computer for me. They spent way too much, way more than I wanted them to, but my mom knew I would be happiest with the Macbook. She told me it would be worth it. We agree that it was.

Despite my complaining, this computer is actually 6 years old. That doesn’t seem like a big number but a lot has changed in that time. Google Chrome was just beginning to become popular then or at least that was when I first began using it. Now it’s the most popular browser in the US. Some people’s cell phones still had keyboards in 2010. I turned 18 that year. I started college that year.

A lot has changed. My computer got slower over the years and my life moved faster. I’ve been out of college 2 years now. I have a full time job as a content writer. This computer is older than my dog who is about to be 5 in August. Somehow, despite it barely working, I’m still writing this now. So I have reasons to be grateful, and yet, I’m not feeling especially grateful.

I go to work Monday through Friday and I hate it. I hate going to work. I really do. I’m trying to be grateful. I have bosses who are kind, give us bonuses, listen to what we have to say, and want us to have fun and feel relaxed at work. I want to be grateful and I’m trying. So I decided to start writing about it.

In a way the blog name still works. This long stage in my life where I’m anxious for change but continue to work every day is going to take a lot to move on from. Besides feeling stagnant, it’s comfortable to live like this. This is somewhere I have never travelled gladly beyond. Hopefully I’ll find my next adventure soon but for now I’m just trying to be grateful.

420

Today I noticed that the status quo has adopted 4/20 as a holiday. It is no longer an immature holiday for 12-year-old outcasts and rebels. It’s a full on celebration for normative adult society, complete with commercialization. There were $4.20 pitas at Pita Pit. They offered free broth at the hot pot restaurant. Moe’s used the tagline, “packing bowls all day” on an advertisement featuring a picture of a burrito bowl set in front of a tie-dye background.

Although the transition into normalcy is not complete, because marijuana is still technically illegal under federal law and most states’ laws, it is quickly becoming ingrained in everyday American culture.

As always this is a case of cultural appropriation. I know--insert eye-roll here--but it’s worth noting. For the past few decades smoking weed was part of a subculture, and now, it’s just part of our culture.

Picture from Alan Turkus on Flickr

Decades ago:

Hippies, dirtbags, deadbeats, and losers smoked their lives away. It was quickly labeled as a “gateway drug” and a slew of propaganda was released to scare kids away.

Now:

Smoking weed is normal. The people who don’t smoke or never have are squares, conformists, old-fashioned, or closed-minded.

The upside is that marijuana is being celebrated for its amazing medical properties. Just this week I read the story of a man with mesothelioma (a rare cancer) who is treating his condition with only a healthy diet and some supplemental oils including cannabis oil. He’s doing better than doctors ever expected him to do with traditional medical treatments.

It’s natural. Unlike cigarettes, marijuana is not some science experiment formulated in a lab paid for by big business (at least not yet). It isn’t packed with chemicals, it’s just a plant.

The downside is that this is all being sold to you. Clothing companies put marijuana leaves on socks and hats and sell them for 3 times as much. You buy food from the “cool” restaurants that offer deals on 420. You’re being sold on items you wouldn’t normally buy the same way as the millions of people who run to the store on Black Friday to waste their hard earned money on material things that their kids will return in a month and a half.

It’s not a subculture now, weed is part of American culture. It’s “NORML” like the group has been campaigning toward for years, but will they regret it?

Legalized it’s taxed and regulated. The government profits off the very plant for which it has been criminalizing people for decades. Instead of being punished for their hypocrisy, the government is being rewarded by even easier money. They benefit from taxing legal marijuana sales and fining citizens for illegal marijuana sales.

Dealers who sold drugs as the only way to pull themselves out of poverty will soon no longer be relevant. Maybe he’ll get put in jail for drug dealing, if not he’ll have to find a new way to get by. Drug dealing will become a trade of wealthy businessmen and the government (what’s the difference though, amiright?). If you want to get into the business, you’ll need a lot of money to start a dispensary, money for licenses, registrations, and retail space.

In all honesty I hate it all. I don’t like smoking (I’m a square) and I think it’s an annoying habit. 420 has never been a celebration for me (although I did eat Pita Pit for lunch today) and likely never will be. I’m excited for the advances that medical marijuana will make. I’m also happy for those who will be less persecuted for using a drug less harmful than many prescriptions. However, I can’t shake the thought that this situation is unnerving.

Marijuana has finally been adopted by the majority and is no longer exclusive to subcultures.

It’s normal. Is that what you wanted?



**Note: this was part of a 10-day writing challenge I started last week. (I'll add a link to it when I get to a fully-functional computer.) Everyday I write something starting with "today I noticed" and today's happened to develop into a blog-worthy thought.

Owning a Pit Bull, Despite the Bull$h!t

For the past few months I have been struggling to find the words to explain to others why I exert so much of my time, energy, and money to keep my dog. Now that she is napping on the couch next to me, I think I can attempt to rationalize.

Since I was a little girl, I have always lived by simple virtues: Family comes first, always be honest, and everyone carries their own burden.

Nobody leads a life without trouble or difficulty. I have always been aware that all people suffer in their own way. I wasn’t born with some incredible gift for understanding, this was just something that I observed early on.

What I failed to see, and continue to struggle with, is the way people choose to carry their burdens. Not only that but I’ve been baffled when I see people choosing to bear a weight that they could easily put down.

Over the past few years I have carried an unnecessary burden for the sake of proving a point. Why? Maybe I'm just stubborn. I won’t change my mind about what’s right just because it’s difficult.

You won’t hear me say this often, but, Olive is just a dog. Yes, she is my friend and I love her a lot, but if I lost Olive I could get a new dog, or just not have a dog. The world would not explode and I would not die.

When I was about 9 I had a Golden Retriever. I loved that dog more than anything. He was my best friend, just like Olive. If Olive were a Golden Retriever I would never have to fight to have her. That’s not okay with me. She deserves a happy life as much as any other dog and to me that’s worth fighting to prove.

I have always chosen the simple path, the easy way. It was just efficient and peaceful. Now, I choose to work hard for what I have because it benefits me greater than simply receiving. 

The lessons that I’ve learned by keeping Olive are invaluable.