Today I posted a picture on instagram that’s a little immodest. It’s just me in a bathing suit but the bottoms are what would just be “cheeky” on most girls but are what I’m going to call “very cheeky” on me. I’m 25 (almost 26, yikes!) and I feel pretty old sometimes, but honestly I’m more confident now than I ever have been. I’ve spent plenty of time over the years wearing ill-fitting bathing suits trying to cover up to avoid attention. I’m too old for that nonsense. This is the body I was born in.
When I turned 25 I was so scared of how old I had gotten and how fast my life was flying by. Actually, I’ve always been scared of how quickly life can move. For months and months before my 25th birthday, I started planning how I was going to quit being a normal, working member of society and travel the world while I was still young. So, I did. About a month after I turned 25 I quit my full time office job and started traveling.
First, I went on a cross-country road trip and spent 3 weeks in Utah. Then, I spent 5 weeks in Asia, visiting Cambodia, Thailand, Japan and then Hawaii on the way home. Then I spent a lot of time with family, took some trips around Florida, visited family in New York, and relaxed. Last week I drove out to Texas by myself and spent the week visiting friends. In 2 days I leave on another big adventure and will be spending 4 weeks backpacking around Europe with family.
It’s been a slow process but I’m starting to feel like myself again. I’ve been taking care of my body and mind better than I have in a long time, maybe ever. I still get stressed pretty easily and I still get sad pretty often and I sometimes I get pretty lonely, but I can honestly say that I’m happy with my life.
At age 24 I wouldn’t have been able to look anyone in the face and say I was happy.
I’m still growing and figuring things out through trial and error. I’m learning how to identify what’s missing in my life and what I need to let go of. I’m re-learning how to accept people as they are and not let small relational issues bog me down. I’m learning that I need balance in my life and in my relationships with others. And of course: I’m still figuring out how to make money to keep living my dreams.
I try to do more things alone now. I’ve always hated going anywhere alone (which is crazy because I actually thrive when I have plenty of alone time). I would ask people to go to grocery store with me and avoid going until someone else was going too. If I was craving a certain restaurant and no one was available to go, I would just eat whatever I had at home. Last week I drove to Texas alone. I didn’t expect to but my friend got a job interview at the last minute and had to cancel. It took me a few days but I got up the nerve to drive out there on my own. I spent most of the week in Austin and while my friends were working I went to parks and restaurants and coffee shops accompanied only by a good book.
When I got home from my trip I was worn out from driving. I told myself I wasn’t going to drive for days, and I didn’t. Yesterday I drove for the first time in 5 days and it was to treat myself to a Starbucks date with my dog. I’m taking care of myself while still pushing myself to do better and be better.
