Valentine's Day 2019

Today I am sad but I’m trying not to be. I don’t remember ever feeling so empty on Valentine’s day. There’s so much going on in my head, my stomach is upset, my heart aches, and somewhere in my chest I feel something missing.

This was Karl and I’s anniversary when we were together. It wasn’t even a real anniversary. I made it up, because he never really asked me out but I wanted to make it official. I just made it up. Every year we made lasagna or we went on a trip.

I always loved Valentine’s day. The hearts, the pink, the chocolate, the cards, the flowers, all things I love. Now it feels like something’s missing and I have no way to fill the void. I have all this love and no one special to share it with, but I tried. I bought some of my friends cards with gift cards. I bought my niece special Valentine’s crafts and treats and I took her to Chik-fil-a for lunch. I even bought myself a strawberry milkshake.

I’m just sad today, and I guess that’s okay.

I called my grandparents to tell them happy Valentine’s day and I asked what they were doing. I thought maybe my niece and I could go over but they already had plans to go to lunch together. I think that’s very sweet. I didn’t realize they still celebrated Valentine’s day after 60+ years of marriage.

I’m lonely but I’m starting to accept it and even embrace it. I started thinking about all the trips I want to take this year and while I’m not 100% thrilled to travel alone, I am also glad I will be single and open to meeting new people out in the world.